Keep Moving Forward

Well the semester is coming to an end, and that means that I may not be continuing this blog as frequently as usual. In all honesty this has probably helped me figure myself out more than it has helped any of you.

For this last post I wanted to talk about how to continue always moving forward.

I asked a few people who served missions about what they did to keep progressing, here are some of the things they said:

Devron:

My mission journals have really helped me progress. I reread the experiences I had, and it inspires me to live the way I invited others to live.

 Kami:
Good family members who have walked this path before! Their counsel and guidance has had a profound influence on me. Also institute classes have helped me maintain that daily spirit and have the scriptures in my life!!!

Bryce:
The thing that I think has helped me the most to continue the spiritual progression post mission has been striving to keep a commitment President Cutler (mission president) gave me to read the Book of Mormon everyday for the rest of my life. A big commitment but I have honestly strived to do it and have felt the little things keep my feet grounded and moving in the right direction. 

Lexie:
Being able to forgive myself and focus on repentance and the Savior. Because I keep making mistakes and will continue to do so but I know that what I taught others applies to me. As I focus on the sacrament I keep being just a little bit better every day.

Carson:

Keep serving. Being back from the mission, you have to start thinking about yourself more, but don't stop serving others. I've found that finding ways to serve, even outside of church callings, it's helped me to keep the Spirit in my life. Also, brushing my teeth daily. Clean teeth, clean soul.

I completely agree with what they said. Coming home is weird and hard, and there are a lot of ups and downs. My mission president told me in my last interview, that the next year and a half would the best in my life. I thought there is no possible way that could ever happen! But it is true. I am so happy. I have been changed a whole lot for the better and I definitely would not be where I am had I not gone on a mission. I think you all can say the exact same thing, whether it be regarding a mission or some life changing event.

It taught me to take risks, be bold, be caring, loving and kind. It taught me to be patient and persistent. It taught me how to work harder than I had ever worked before. It taught me how to talk to people I never would normally talk to. It taught me how to always look for the good and be confident in my choices, and most importantly above absolutely everything else, it taught me that our Savior lives. That is a pretty sweet realization that I will never take for granted again. But really that alone has completely changed my life. I have never been so happy and so at peace. Even when things are rocky or rough, really there is peace all around. 

So what do we do now? I know what. In the wise words from the movie Meet the Robinsons... "Keep Moving Forward". Be courageous and allow yourself to grow like you did at your prime. I think it is easier sometimes to grow on your mission because you expect yourself to, but why not do that all the time? I know I want to do better at that, and take any opportunity that is given to me. Do not stop progressing just because you can now eat your mom's food or call her anytime you want. Allow that time in our lives to change us, because this way we can do a lot more good than we thought in the first place. I still miss the mission every day. I still get emotional when I think about the people that I miss so much. But I love it here too. I love being able to progress in school and all that other lovely stuff. Life is good, if we just live it. 

Feeling the Savior's Love

One of my friends told me a while ago that when you get home you think everyone is going to H, E, double hockey sticks (hell) and then after a while you think crap I am going to hell, and then eventually you get to the point where you say, "Ah who cares we are all going anyways." Lately I have felt like I am in phase two! 

So let me get sappy and tell you all my deep dark secrets! Gotta love that right. I have told you how I have not been too impressed with my scripture study lately and last post I told you how I was just struggling with being patient and what not. I thought I better put that into better action. 

That day I had had a rough day, and I came home that night and knelt down to pray and I started to cry. I told Heavenly Father I was sorry that I was not better than I am, and I promised I would do better. I promised that I would not read my scriptures on my phone anymore but actually study, no matter how tired I was and that I would be better at noticing people's needs and reach out so that I could feel the spirit more.

All of the sudden I felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I can once again testify of the power of the atonement. It has helped me when I have struggled physically, but really he even cares that sometimes I do not feel adequate enough and he lifts up that burden as well!

That was Tuesday, Wednesday night I have institute and I am taking the Teachings of the Living Prophets class, we were looking over Elder Christensen's talk from last conference titled I know These Things of Myself It talked about how we can follow Joseph Smith's example and find out if these things are true, we talked about what it took to have a pure heart and a willing mind. You can find it all in the talk but it was once again a subtle way the Lord showed me that he was listening and that he cared about a 21 year old girl in Cedar city. 

But I too know of these wonderful things myself. I have had countless experiences like these, and there is no doubt in my mind that the gospel is true. When we grow closer to Heavenly Father it says He grows closer to us. I agree with that, because when we are living the way He has asked us to, it is nearly impossible to not feel his love and presence in our lives. That love is always there. It does not have anything to do with where we've been or even what direction we are heading. It is the here and now. He will always, always give us the strength to change.

Patience is a Virtue....That I have not Mastered Yet

Patience is a funny thing! I have never been very good at it. If I want something, I want to work really hard and get it and be done. Some people call it annoying, my mother calls it determination ;) hahaha but she has to say that!

So since this is something I struggle with, it has been extra hard coming home and feeling like I am not meeting the expectations that I have for myself or worse thinking of what my Heavenly Father had for me. Along with that whole determination factor, I am also more competitive than I should be. I want to be good at everything I do and so when I struggle it really bothers me.

Now that I have given all of my deep dark secrets away, I will tell you what I have done to get over it. There have been some good days and bad days. For a little while I felt like I had life figured out, now more than ever I know that I don't... not even close :) But I do know that I can try, and I can continue to try for the rest of my life.

I wish I could give you a list of steps I took to help with getting over feeling inadequate. But I'll just talk about a few experiences and hope that in someway you can pull out something that will help you.

I absolutely love the scriptures. I love the people and the stories in there and I always tried hard to make my studies effective. But time is a pain in the toosh I tell ya! And my scripture study has been slacking, I have talked about this like 1000 times because it bugs me that it is not better. So I know that it is okay that I still read every day, but not as much as I would hope. It really is okay, yes I know that there is mighty room for growth, but I have no reason to beat myself to a pulp just because I am not as great as I would like to be as long as I am doing something.

I find a lot of comfort in going to church. I know that may sound lame, but man what a sacred place that is. This weekend we were out of town and Sunday morning rolled around and we were sooo tired. We were staying at my sisters house and I had forgotten my make-up and church clothes and it would have been so easy to just keep sleeping and no one would know. I tried to convince myself it would be alright, but I could not shake that guilt feeling. So we went, my boyfriend in a t-shirt and jeans, and I in a borrowed dress. People were so friendly and so kind. They didn't care what we were wearing or if for a bit I may or may not have dozed off it mattered that we were there and it mattered to me that we were there!

I always tell people you know what is right and wrong. But sometimes that line can get a little more blurry the closer you get to it. Even if it is blurry it is okay to just be okay for a bit. Patience is so important, I know that, I know that right now it is not one of my huge strengths, but I do know that because of our Savior, I can totally make that weakness into a strength. Especially in regards to coming home from such a spiritual high.

My mission is soooo sacred to me. It really is a point that I hold highest in my life. I care about the gospel, even more than my family... which is hard to take in but it is true. It is everything to me. Instead of living in the past I am doing my best to take in what I learned and apply it to life right now.

Staying Busy....but Really Missionary Busy?

When you were on your mission for the first time more than ever did you think it was possible to die from tiredness? Oh I totally did!! Holy smokes I was wiped. Sometimes I felt like Baymax on Big Hero 6 when he tries to walk up the stairs. Here is a picture if you have no idea what I am talking about. Oh by the way... this is the best movie ever!!

On my way home I thought to myself, man now I can take a nap!! I get home and I was set on making sure I kept the same missionary schedule. I told you about the time my mom swiped my phone so I would sleep in right? It was funny, I didn't think it was possible to be any busier than a missionary.... I thought wrong.

It is so hard to juggle school, involvement, church callings, family, any social life you would like to have, and work. I am in no wise complaining because I actually really like being busy and having something to do. It may be from the mission, or my self-diagnosed ADD :) haha who's to judge!

I struggled in this area because all of the sudden I was getting buried with things that I knew were not the most important thing in life, but I had to worry about them. Kind of annoying huh. I knew that my school didn't matter a ton if I got to heaven, but it did matter to my happiness for the rest of my life. Does that make sense?

So what do we do? How to we manage both worlds in a way that is exemplary? I really admire the prophets and apostles for this, but I also admire the people I know from growing up in my small town, or the amazing saints I met in Wisconsin, or my friends at school that seem to have life figured out.

I think the best thing is to recognize that we can become too busy. We need to make a list of priorities that are important to us and live by them. Be consistent. I feel that that is the most important thing we can do. Be consistent in our values.

I so wish I had all the answers, I really am trying to hobble along myself. I am not perfect at this lately my scripture study has not been brag worthy whatsoever, but I am trying, and I know you are two. That is what truly matters. Never stop. Never give up, just because you think you are not doing as well as you would have hoped for.

Here is another article link I found about time management it is super super solid!! https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1992/04/unclutter-your-life?lang=eng&query=time+management

Are you a Return Missionary? Here are some great resources I found!

I have been sharing lots of my favorite things lately, but I have been finding some really cool stuff about being a returned missionary, and by that I mean a super awkward human being of society. Hey you've got to own it right :)

lds.living has tons of really good stuff. I loved this article they wrote that says if RMs (return missionaries) understood this they'd be happier. It's talks about how you always have the highest hope for the people you meet and baptize into the church. You are hopeful they will stay active their entire lives and become the next Bishop or Relief Society President. That is not always the case, it is hard. I can attest to that. A lot of the people I met on the mission and who chose to be baptized have fallen away. It completely breaks my heart. I have never felt anxiety before, but I do for these people because I love them so much. It's tough, you worry about them every day and every night, I am not sure that will ever change. If you can relate to that, or have felt depressed or confused or sad about anything regarding the topic, check out the article, here is the link:

http://universe.byu.edu/2015/03/12/rms-keep-the-badge-on-their-hearts-think-back-to-mission-converts/

Now if you want pure gold, you will read this, it will make you a little teary-eyed and remind you of good times and.... not so good times! This is an article from Deseret News about 12 things every missionary remembers.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765671212/12-moments-every-returned-missionary-remembers.html?pg=all&clear_cache=1

One return Sister Missionary, wrote about how she felt about coming home. I am so glad that there are more people out there who feel the way I feel. Whenever I read articles like this I am reminded of what I am doing in my life. She talks about a lot of the things that I have thought about. I feel like I have now hit the point where I realize that I am falling short in a lot of things I should be doing. I read my scriptures every night, but when I am super tired I just pull out my phone and scroll through a little bit. Definitely not like I used to study. It bugs me that I do that, I always told myself I wouldn't but here ya go. Luckily, very very luckily I know I can change. Life is not going to get less busy (although I cross my fingers for one day that it won't be) but I will learn how to prioritize more productively. Here is the link to the article:

http://www.whatsoeverisgood.com/how-it-feels-to-be-a-sister-returned-missionary/

On a lighter subject, I have linked up to this blog before but I love how they decorated for their missionary's homecoming, it is sooo cute!

http://www.blogcrew.com/main-blog/2014/8/12/my-girl-is-finally-home?rq=missionary

When I started writing this blog for my class I had been home less than a month. Weird right. Time seriously never slows down it is the pits. I started looking into teachings the church had for us "awkwardies" (yes I made that up myself, has a nice ring to it) and reading articles and trying to improve who I was, now looking back on it I can see a little bit of how the advice works. It is always pretty tough when you are going through whatever your going through and trying to soak in the advice and teachings and apply them to their very best, especially because you don't want to let anyone down. I know I am that way, hindsight is much clearer and I can see that even though I was doing my best, and knowing I was falling short. I was doing okay. I go at my own pace whether that is super fast or super slow, it varies daily :) Here is some advice though for the Returned Missionary:

http://www.thereturnedmissionary.com/advice-for-returned-missionaries/

How cool huh, there is a whole stinking website on it :) Saweet!!!!!

This next article I found is great and a little funny. It was written at BYU about the Dos and Don'ts of helping missionaries adjust. They are really good. Some I am not a die hard supporter of, but what doesn't work for me may be perfect for someone else, and vice versa.... you pickin up what I'm puttin down? :)

http://universe.byu.edu/2015/02/19/blog-what-to-do-and-what-not-to-do-to-help-rms-adjust/

I could go on for a while, I mean there is some solid good stuff out there. But I will end with linking you to the best places of resource. lds.org and mormon.org there you can find answers and a whole lot of peace. I am grateful that we do not have to do this alone, no matter how weird we may be. We have so many tools to help us get by, but not only that, I am positive the Savior has helped one or two return missionaries transition ;) and he will definitely help you. I can say that because of the way I have felt his love and guidance in the past 3.5 months of being home.

Some of my Favorite Missionary Things

I thought I would mix things up just a little and share some things I found about return missionaries. Here is a video created about the church:

http://www.mormonchannel.org/watch/collection/mormon-channel-videos/the-value-of-a-full-time-mission

Here is one of my favorite talks:

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/the-opportunity-of-a-lifetime?lang=eng&query=return+missionary



                                          

I wish I had something to remind me that I actually did go on a mission other than pictures and memories. I miss it daily, I know I have mentioned that multiple times, but it's true. When I think about the people so far away I get teary-eyed thinking about how much I miss them. It's okay. We just have to remember that they will always be apart of our family.

Preparing for General Conference

General Conference is coming up next week, for those of you who do not know what this is, it's where our prophet, apostles, and other church leaders speak to us and give us directions for life. It happens twice a year and for us mormons, it feels like Christmas morning.... ha okay that may be a little extreme, but it is pretty great.

The cool thing about conference is that if you come prepared to learn you will learn. I had never done that before I served as a missionary. I loved waking up Sunday morning, staying in my pajamas and eating muddie buddies, while my mom told us to sit up straight. My dad always told us he was "resting his eyes" we believed him until he would start to snore. 

When I was in Wisconsin, that changed, and I learned the importance of preparing. A week or two before conference I started to think of some questions that I had for my life. Examples being; what can I do to better improve my relationship with my Heavenly Father, or what is in my life that is keeping me from being completely happy. You know those cool soul searching kind of things. 

The first time I did this I was blown away. I wrote down my questions in my study journal and then next to every time I received an answer I put a little A with a square around it. The whole thing was dotted with A after A. I couldn't believe it. Things that were so specific and so sacred to me were being answered by men and women I had never met. My testimony of conference changed after that and I knew that if this could happen to me, it could happen to anyone. 

I want you guys to know that the reasons why I know this is cause I tested it. I wanted to try it so I did. So instead of just getting excited to eat muddy buddies, I am pretty darn excited for the teachings that are coming. For the men and women who after months and months have sought inspiration to know what we need to know. I am so thankful for them.

On lds.org there are so many examples of how to prepare for general conference but I have included a couple of links to blogs who have great tips as well. Enjoy :) 

http://becksome.blogspot.com/2013/03/how-i-study-general-conference.html

http://foodstorageandbeyond.com/2013/03/the-ultimate-general-conference-activity-packet/

Sharing the Gospel... Member Style!

Hello all! This post may be a wee bit different than my usual rants, but I wanted to share about how I have continued to share my beliefs with others now that I don't have that nice little name tag to hide behind.

It can still be totally scary sharing something so personal to you with others. I think that goes for anything you hold dear to your heart. But like almost all missionaries, I made a promise that I would do better at fulfilling my calling as a member missionary. I had big plans, big plans people. I was going to convert the world and be the best member missionary that's ever been. Ask me if that has happened, and I will tell you, sadly, not even close. But this is what I have been doing to try and make a difference.

I got lucky. I have an incredible friend who is getting back on the path that rocks of righteousness. She is a member of the church and she is super stellar. I adore the girl, she has been a great friend and recently has decided she wants to do things right and prepare to get married in the temple. She actually just got engaged to a guy who is a great support. Cool huh, the reason I am sharing this is because when I got home she asked me if I could go over the missionary lessons with her. I was so touched.... and teared up a little. We haven't done them a ton and that is totally my bad, but when we do it feels a lot like the good old days. She knows the gospel is true and we've talked to missionaries but we all agreed her and I could just talk about it. Whenever there is truth, you will find the spirit and man that is a good feeling. This was one way that was kind of handed to me but I have enjoyed every minute of it because it has strengthened my testimony. Especially regarding the fact that you can still feel the spirit as you share your testimony with others around you.

Another thing I do is making sure I am fulfilling my calling. I am in the Relief Society Presidency and so when I am there I try and sit by someone new and awkwardly ask them to be my friend :) Worked in elementary school and it works now! I have met some way cool people like this. But even if you do not have a calling that puts you in a situation to meet new people. Do what you did on the mission and go through the ward list, pick out people you do not know and make cookies. I mean everyone loves cookies... especially me, you can swing by my house anytime :)

I have a couple of friends who are not members of the church, but let's be real we are in Utah here and believe it or not they have heard about the church before ;) They usually have preconceived notions about it and have made up their mind that this is not what they want in their life. That is okay, it does not mean we love them any differently, nor should we feel guilty they don't want it. That doesn't have anything to do with you. Just be yourself. When the gospel is the center of your life it will ooze out of you and you will have many opportunities to share your beliefs in a very non weirdo kind of way.

It is definitely harder to share the gospel in a natural kind of way, but when it comes up take any opportunity. I am still pretty awkward I feel like anyway. And when you've been gone for a year and a half there is not much you can talk to people about regarding world entertainment or what not. So naturally a lot of things relate back to experiences I had while serving. I don't think there is anything bad about that, and I am 100% it annoys some people but who cares. That was my life and I want to share it with anyone it just becomes a part of who you are.

Funny Awkward Return Missionary Stories

So what is better than an awkward missionary story? Multiple awkward missionary stories. I tell ya, these are good!! I asked some of my friends and family to share a little something something about when they came home. It is hilarious. This is definitely my favorite post so far. Enjoy, and let me know what you think :)

Bryce shared this little number:

"One evening within the first few days of me being back... My family and I were leaving out the front door to go somewhere. I was in front of everyone ready to leave and then I had "missionary muscle memory" kick in as I began to kneel to pray before we left out the door. My whole family thought it was the funniest thing ! I did to.. I was dyin."

Kami shared this:

"So the fellas expect a hug and the end of the date. And instead of giving a hug you change the conversation to.... Giving his car a name. Then he gives you a hug and you lean in like Sheldon off the Big Bang Theory and awkwardly embrace!" -- Who can relate to this? Hands in the air!!

Kaohi said:

"So my funny is story is coming home and not understanding social media and what is the "in" site to use. My cousins had to explain it to me in different examples of the same experience to help me understand what I should post on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter because it has changed.

Also getting a phone and asking my 9 year old sister to help me figure out how to work it. And then her shaking her head and saying, "oh kaohi!"

Oh and not being able to leave my mothers side or be alone. Sometimes I would have to resort to taking my dog with me so I'm not alone :)"

Lorri shared this, I was laughing really hard on this one because I almost shared a mormon.org card with a girl in Cafe Rio in Salt Lake City when I first got home... pretty sure she had heard about the church before:

"After boarding the New York Chinatown bus around midnight, I found an empty seat and hoped to relax and maybe even sleep during the four hour trip to Washington DC. I was on my way to meet my mission trainer, who was getting married, and college friend, who randomly knew my trainer.  A flustered girl about my age plopped down on the seat next to me. She thought for a few moments then turned to me and said "I'm sorry by I just have to talk with someone. I just lost my favorite shoes in a cab." I listened to her recount her terrible day of an interview and then losing her shoes, which sounds like it would be brief but I got no sleep on the 4 hour bus ride. Since I had contacted lots of people on public transportation on my mission, it felt totally natural and normal to bring up the gospel with this girl. I don’t remember how I did it exactly but I awkwardly invited her to learn about Jesus Christ. She shot me down before I even had the whole sentence out. She wanted to talk forever about things important to her: the shoes and the interview. I wanted to talk about something important to me: religion. It seemed like a fair and normal exchange except I had brought up the taboo subject of my personal belief in Jesus Christ. Apparently I had a lot to learn and remember about how to deal with strangers in America."

Adam, my brother-in-law shared this, one of the first things he said to me was referring to this... followed by that lovely little question: 

"Not the most awkward, but rather, the most common awkward event that happens to all RM's all came down to a single, solitary, yet extremely loaded, question: "How was your mission?

This frequently used question is rarely used in a setting in which a RM has an appropriate amount of time to give a quality summary of past years events, But typically used in the place of casual salutations in situation like waiting in line at a grocery store, in the hall between church meetings, or mid-wave from the old guy in his garden while you are on your morning jog.

How does one expect a quality crisp answer in such candid situations? And how could a person abridge 1 1/2 - 2 years into small phrase or paragraph while still doing your mission justice?

Also, there are serious ramifications if you answer poorly. If you answer the question with "It was fun", People are quick to judge you as a Goof-off. If your answer is "It was tough", then you are a sissy because "garden grandpa's" granddaughter served and it was not tough. If "it was a good time", then you didnt take the mission serious and you short-changed the Lord.

It's awkward.  It's an inevitable question. I personal chose to use the response, "It was great!" then nothing more to preserve the integrity of my mission and the reputation I have in the mind of the old folk in the neighborhood.

As much as I hate that question. I undoubtedly use it on every recently returned missionary.... Because it part of the RM experience."

Lexi said:

"So my family isn't really into public praying over food and stuff like that. We live by the spirit of having a prayer in your heart. However, on my mission I got into the habit of saying a vocal prayer when at restaurants. My first lunch after getting home we went to a local restaurant that I love. We got our food and I folded my arms and looked expectantly at my parents. They both looked at me like I was a little crazy, then at each other. They laughed and reluctantly folded their arms and I said the prayer. They teased me for a while after that one. I said prayers in my head at restaurants when I was with them after that. 

Justin said: 

"I would always answer the phone by saying, 'Hey, this is Elder Brown."

Kelly shared:

"One time I said "gracias" to an Asian lady in a candy store!" and "there's the classic you shake a man's hand, not hug. And a guy goes in for a hug and you extend your hand and he awkwardly body shakes you!"

Okay this one is probably my favorite Carson said:

"I work at SUU, and we had to make phone calls out to students to promote something for the school. If they didn’t answer, we were supposed to leave a message. As I was leaving a message to a student, I gave him the information about the activity and accidentally ended it with “And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.” I caught myself right before I finished the whole phrase by hanging up."

Well I sure hope you have enjoyed these as much as I have. Holy smokes, at least they help you realize you are so not alone in being this awkward... and if you haven't experienced this well, you've got some work to do.

What I Wish My Family Would Have Known

I adore my family, they are my closest friends. I was really excited to see them again when I was coming home. This is a post though a little about what I wish they would have known about what to do when I was now back in the picture.

So let me give you a quick run down of the cool Griffin Clan! #1 Papa G.... that's my nickname for him anyways cause he is a boss! He is a great dad and has always taken care of us. #2 Mama Sue, I am not kidding when I say she is my best friend. I tell my mom everything. She is so fun and adventurous and throws in a colorful comment here and there for some high quality entertainment #3 my oldest sister Nycole. She is married to an amazing guy John, and they now have two kids, which I am convinced are the cutest kids that have ever walked on the earth, the oldest is Freddy who will be 2 in March and Josi who was born December 5, ha don't make me do the mommy math. #4 is Kammi. She is hilarious, she is married to Adam who is also incredible and they are expecting a baby in July. Then there's happy #5 me :) #6 Burton, who is serving as a missionary in Hawaii. He gives my mom a run for the Best Friend title. He is the coolest kid ever and he better be enjoying those lovely winters! #7 the grand finale is Matt. Oh my gosh he is so funny!! He is a junior in high school and is lovin sports and the ladies. I've included some pictures so you can put a name with the faces.

Kammi, Adam, Burton, Dad, Mom, John, Nycole, Matt, and Me

So there you have it, that is the family dynamic I could give you all the crazy info, but I don't think the fam would like that too much :) haha I am the middle child I was not a fan of that place in the family all growing up but I am convincing myself I like it more and more the older I get cause I am not too far from either end of the siblings.

Okay okay, what in the world does this have to do with being an awkward return missionary? Well let me tell you! Coming home is not the funnest. I felt like I had to learn my family dynamic all over again because I had been gone for so long and naturally they morphed around it. Plus now I am a totally different person than I was before.

So on the mission we get to skype our families twice a year. My first time was great, my second time freaked the poop out of me. Just when I felt like most of those insecurities that I struggled with for so long were finally over, they came surfacing again and I was not liking it one bit. I remember emailing my mom about it afterwards and she said, "You know I was thinking about this and talking to your siblings because when you get home you have every right to be who you want to be and we will support that." See why she is my best friend! That helped sooooo much! Holy cow I was grateful.

When you come home it is definitely an adjustment you have to relearn you a little bit and it leaves you feeling lost. My mom and my sisters and I, play quite a bit of card games when we are all together and as we are playing cards one night we were talking about the adjustment and stuff and I started to cry... I know it's not an unusual occurrence but the alligator tears were, holy cow! I remember telling them that I felt like a brand new missionary again and I didn't know what to do or how to combine the two people that I felt like I was, if that makes sense. I especially struggled with not knowing exactly what my set purpose was anymore.

I think the biggest thing I wanted my family to know is that I was different than before. I was so much better than I was before. And I needed their support more than anyone else or else I very easily could have fallen back into that same person that I was. I wasn't a bad person but I really like who I am now. I had been changed by this experience. I also wish they would have been more supportive in my very awkwardness. Ha and instead of resisting the change that would come to them to embrace it, but hey that's one tough thing to do. I will probably have to write another post when my brother comes home about what I wish HE would have known :) Ya can't win can ya!

A guy named CJ wrote a really cool post about coming home from an extended trip. It is not necessarily about coming home from a mission but it has great advice you can apply to your situation.
  http://preparemymission.com/4-phases-everyone-goes-through-after-an-international-mission-trip/

There is also an adorable blog about a girl coming home and their decorations and everything were so cute, just in case your fam is expecting a missionary home soon. Check this out.

http://www.blogcrew.com/main-blog/2014/8/12/my-girl-is-finally-home#comments-53eaefe3e4b0f951215c6959

The First Couple of Lovely Days Back Home

So for those of you who do not know on a mission you live by a pretty strict schedule with really strict rules. You don't date, you wake up at 6:30 every morning, you study the scriptures for 2 hours every day, you don't watch any movies or tv or anything like that, and your entire purpose is to teach about the gospel of Jesus Christ which you do from sun up to sun down. So anything that doesn't coincide with that is kicked to the curb. It's actually pretty nice after a while. But can you imagine coming home from that!!! This is where the phrase "awkward return missionary" comes from!! You have just learned a completely new lifestyle and then they drop kick you into the real world and badda bing badda boom, swim!!

I found this on pinterest and I was dying it is so funny and so true!!

http://utahvalley360.com/2014/01/21/18-awkward-moments-every-recently-returned-missionary-experiences/

While we were in the airport my mom made a funny comment making fun of something or someone and I looked at her and gasped thinking she was going straight to hell.... I know, ridiculous right! She looked back at me like what has happened to my daughter and I begin to laugh and explain she will just have to be patient with me for a bit and secretly thinking what in the world happened to my family!

I have heard coming home be compared to post traumatic stress disorder, it is like a little mini version of that for the first couple days when you are home, at least it was for me. It was so weird being back. I got home home, like stepped foot in the house I grew up in and seriously just started sobbing. So much so that my dad had to hold me up. I felt like my life was over!! Dramatic huh! The next day didn't seem real I set my alarm to wake up at 6:30 so I could study my scriptures and exercise and keep that schedule, but my mom swiped my phone, which was actually her phone, in the middle of the night so that I would sleep. Ha talk about waking up in a panic, well played mom, well played.

Later that week I went to see my Bishop, he is a local church leader that volunteers his time and services to help out the congregation, and he asked me if I had sat down my parents and chewed them out yet, he said when he got home he chastised his parents for drinking diet coke. Funny huh!!! He then looked at me and said, "Please don't be like that" :) I replied, "I'll do my best, but I am not making any promises"

SOOOO I don't know if you will be able to relate or not to this. I hope so, at least you know that you were not alone in feeling like a lost child in a Christmas store. The first couple of days were rough. Oh my, my brother's first basketball game, we won't even get into that. But it gets better I promise it gets better.

Coming Home

It's hard to believe that a little over a year and a half ago I was embarking on one big adventure. I was called to serve as a missionary in the Wisconsin Milwaukee Mission and it truly was the greatest year and a half I could have asked for. I've included a couple of Wisconsin adventure pictures, I will be straight up honest I am horrible at taking pictures but I found these from the old email

Teaching some steller guys with sweet staches

The wonderful Hannah!

I had no idea what was in store for me. Holy cow, I had no idea. The tears of happiness the tears of despair and sadness, the tiredness, oh for sure the tiredness, the blisters, how big my hair actually ended up getting in humidity, the incomprehensible joy, and the complete peace in knowing that the Lord is aware of you and loves you more than you thought possible. I could not have asked for a better year and a half.

But I am back to the real world baby!

You know how when you decide to go on a mish, everyone tells you it's going to be the best thing in the world and the hardest. You can kinda prep yourself for it, like when you watch people do work out videos you think you know absolutely everything, until you actually do it yourself and then those girls in the yoga pants whip you right into shape, yeah kinda the same right? That's probably a bad analogy but I have done that more often than what I am proud of. Well, I am here to tell you they don't really do that for when you get back!! My older sister Kammi mentioned to her two return missionary friends that I was coming home, and they cringed and said, "Oh man, we are so sorry!" I laughed pretty hard at that and realized I was not alone in this almost as awkward as middle school phase of life I am now in. This is a blog about all the craziness that happens when you are home. How do I get back into the swing of things? Well, I am still figuring it out so I will keep you up to date on all the good things about that and test run it for you, don't you even worry!

I have been home one month now and you get ready for some good stories. It has been quite the adventure month if I say so myself.

I'll just give you one awkward story of the road. So I get back, it's great. Hug the fam and race them to the car so that we can go get some Cafe Rio, which I may have missed more than my younger brother! Ha kidding! We get our food and my family starts to eat and I fold my arms to pray over the food and just stare at them. One by one they look at me and slowly put down their fork along with their head and say, "No, we're really going to do this?" I don't know about you, but my family is not used to praying in public. I just smile and say, "Ah yeah!" I think that was the fastest prayer I have ever heard.